Ep #6: Dysfunctions of a Team: Lack of Trust: Part 1

In this episode, Dr. Nick & Dr. Nicole kick off a new series covering the dysfunctions of a team. The foundational dysfunction is a lack of trust that can break communication and lead to a toxic business. Your team should have each other’s back… learn how in this episode.

“Having each other's back isn’t always about agreeing.” - Dr. Nick

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Noteworthy Time Stamps:

3:02 Why communication matters

7:16 Do you have my back?

9:06 Two avenues of trust & vulnerability

11:24 The management

15:15 Ask for solutions with feedback

19:00 Questions to ask your team

LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE

Dr. Nicole:
This is the Integrative Entrepreneur podcast, where it’s not what you do, but how you do it. This is a podcast for entrepreneurs brought to you by entrepreneurs. We have been building a multi-million dollar healthcare business for over 10 years, and we have weaved together some of the best information for the people that are doing the best work in the business. This includes Dr. Demartini, who is a master in human behavior to Verne Harnish, who has created the methodology of scaling up that has scaled many, many of the best businesses that we all know of. We want you to not only have a business that you love, but also a life that you love.

Welcome back to another episode of the Integrative Entrepreneur podcast, where it’s not what you do…

Dr. Nick:
But how you do it.

Dr. Nicole:
So as we kick off today, I really want to give a shout out to Patrick Lencioni, which I’ve referenced him before in other podcasts, and if you [crosstalk 00:01:10]-

Dr. Nick:
Dr. Nicole pretty much has a business crush on Patrick.

Dr. Nicole:
I just think that his books have really just transformed my mindset around leadership, as well as John Maxwell, but he really prides himself on mastering organizational health. And this is just something that I find to be very, very passionate about. And what I love is we’ve taken his work and we’ve brought it together with Dr. Nick’s expertise, which really the foundation of it is built with Dr. Demartini’s work of human behavior. So that’s kind of the topic today is diving into some of the things that might be causing dysfunction in or on your team. And this could be within the company culture in general, but this can also be something that is happening amongst your managers, directors, and leaders. And this is not uncommon. So if you’re resonating with what we’re saying, don’t beat yourself up about it. Attaining organizational health and amazing culture is a lot. It’s a task, it takes hard work, and it is not for the weak, but once you’re able to implement different strategies and different processes to really create a strong foundation in your business, it’s quite magical.

Dr. Nick:
Yeah. When you look at organizational health, and I’m different as a human being, I look at life probably a little different than most people see it, but simply put, every single problem, whether it’s in an organization, whether it’s in the human body, whether it’s in relationships, aspects of business, it all comes down to a break of communication. So anytime that there is that break in communication, you’re going to have pretty much a feedback response showing you some form of pain. And it’s be able to appreciate that pain because it’s really allowing you to see aspects in your relationship with whatever it is on the other side, to be able to increase the quality of that communication, to increase the quality of really both entities, both relationships.

Dr. Nicole:
And what is really cool about how we’re going to segue from there is that Dr. Nick has not read any of Patrick Lencioni’s books. So what you just said, it encompasses so much break in communication. I cannot drive that home enough, but one of the aspects that was brought to my attention by his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, is that sometimes it’s really a lack of trust and a lack of being vulnerable in your business. And this really starts from the top down because, and I’ll speak for myself, is as the business owner, as the head doctor in Integrative Wellness Group, and now as the CEO of Integrative Wellness Group and Integrative Growth Institute, is I just felt that I was supposed to look a certain way to my team. I was supposed to act a certain way, look a certain way, be a certain way.

And I remember this fight inside of me, especially in the earlier years of having Integrated Wellness Group, is that, I was a little bit of a wild child. I just partied my butt off in college and just kind of said whatever I wanted and it was something-

Dr. Nick:
She still has a filter.

Dr. Nicole:
Well, what I’m saying is now I do, and now I’m truly myself again, but there were years that I just felt that I’m a doctor now, I have to act a certain way. And I can’t do this and I can’t do that and I don’t want to be caught drinking a glass of wine out to dinner. And you can’t curse in your practice and you can’t do this and you can’t do that and you can’t laugh. And it was such a limiting belief that I had, but it was just this idea that you have to uphold this certain “professionalism”, whatever that even means, or this specific rapport with your team.

And I remember being really closed off that I’m supposed to be their boss and it didn’t work. It really didn’t. It was torturous to me and it definitely created obstacles within the business as well. It wasn’t that, oh, everyone just looked up to me as the head of the business, it was they were not willing to bring feedback. They were not willing to challenge an idea that I had. They were not willing to do any of that because I did not create that level of transparency and vulnerability in the business.

Dr. Nick:
And energy flows from above down. So it starts with the CEO, the executive, the business owner, the executive team, going down into your leadership team, which some people call it management. I hate the word managing. It sets you up for managing people instead of actually just creating leaders to structure and run the business. But really trust first has to come from being your authentic self. So like you said, that struggle of trust first started from a lack of trust within thyself. And as soon as you realize that, oh, I just need to be me again, I don’t have to be whatever this facade, whatever society, whatever religion, whatever parenting, whatever all of those beliefs coming back in that said that we were supposed to be, just as soon as we get back into our authentic selves, then that love and that trust for thyself, then we can also give that as well.

So it’s always coming back to, you can’t give something that we don’t have. So if you have trust issues as an executive, we need to go through and balance those personal issues out so that you can actually give that to the team, because you can’t give something that we don’t have. And then really when looking at trust, I haven’t read any of Patrick’s book like you said, but when you look at trust, trust is coming back to one of our foundational values as a business. Do you have my back? And that is such an important thing for the culture that we’ve created in our businesses to really have each other’s back. And that comes from, you don’t always have to agree, but you need to have each other’s back. And this is a confusing part of what we’re seeing in society right now. Is that having each other’s back isn’t always about agreeing, and it’s impossible to agree because we all actually have a different set of values.

What’s most important to Dr. Nicole is different than what’s most important to me versus every single person in the world. Literally values are like thumbprints. But what’s amazing about that is when you look at trust, we’re always wanting to quote unquote, keep what’s most important to us safe. And anytime somebody challenges that, that’s when we get defensive and we think that, oh, I can’t trust you. You’re not really on my side. You don’t have my back. You’re not going to support what’s most important to me. So it’s really about, kind of going back to our previous podcast, when it comes to selling, a big part of trust is actually selling trust.

You have to be able to sell that you care enough to be able to have someone’s back so that they can trust you. And that comes down to the fact that their interests are in your best interest. It’s not always about agreeing in life, but it’s about having each other’s interest so it can be a fair exchange. And that’s taking the time to figure out what’s most important to someone, each one of our employees, so that we can actually serve them. And when we can serve them, they’re going to trust us because they know we have their back.

Dr. Nicole:
Yeah. And I love what you just said, because just to be clear, there are two different avenues when it comes to this idea of trust and vulnerabilities. So one is, are you being your authentic self in the business and are you inviting other people to be their authentic self in the business? Obviously with having boundaries based on the core values. Like we want people to be their authentic self, but there is a specific requirement for how to dress business casual in our business. So it’s not like, oh, wear whatever you want. And do whatever you want. It’s also about making sure that you have those specific boundaries based on the values of the business. But the secondary piece of that is the communication and the feedback and the challenge and the disagreements. So it’s okay.

So that was kind of step number one for me is I was like, I’m going to be more of my authentic self in the business. And we definitely created more of a fun environment, which has actually become one of our core values, is have fun. Don’t take life too seriously, and let’s remove the fear and angst out of both health care, but also growing your business. But then the secondary thing that I didn’t do right away was I was still the driver of the business. It was like, this is what we’re going to do. This is the marketing campaign. This is the vision, or this is the next quarter’s objectives. And everyone just agreed and did stuff. And then we started to notice that deadlines started getting pushed or things started becoming really chaotic and people were really overwhelmed. And really what it came down to is that individuals weren’t agreeing with the vision or the idea or the strategy, but we did not create a dynamic that they felt that they could speak up about it.

Dr. Nick:
And anytime you have that, or the different forms of it, it all comes back to, you could say, a lack of trust, but it’s really just a lack of that win-win relationship. So anytime that you have that, it’s like that’s when we need managers. And when we need managers, we need motivation. So it’s like both of those sucking life. Because if you have to manage somebody, you’re wasting your time, because your time you shouldn’t be managing other people, they should be self-accountable. And if we have to motivate somebody, it’s because they’re not inspired for what they’re doing. That’s why I love leadership, because leadership drives inspiration. And when you’re a leader, you create other leaders that create other leaders. And it’s not a leader that’s creating a manager that’s managing minions, it’s about really creating inspiration within the business so that everybody is inspired to serve themselves. And if they’re connected to the values of the business, when they’re inspired and serving themselves, they’re also equally serving the business. So that’s what I mean about a win-win relationship.

Dr. Nicole:
Yeah. And also, just to be clear on my comment about inviting your team to disagree, the intention is not to become emotional. And the intention is if someone has a different idea or a disagreement or feedback, is they have to provide why, they have to provide, I don’t think it’s going to work because of X, Y, and Z, and this is what I think would be a better alternative. So you do have to get very clear on how do you want someone to present a disagreement or present a different idea, opposed to opening it up like, we want your feedback. And then everybody becomes emotional and are throwing random things out there.

Dr. Nick:
Do you remember that seminar we went to? And it was an amazing seminar and they finished it with, just give any feedback. And then it went from-

Dr. Nicole:
Oh gosh, it spiraled.

Dr. Nick:
It went from an amazing experience to last 15 minutes, it just crushed the energy of the entire weekend.

Dr. Nicole:
It was horrid.

Dr. Nick:
So it’s not what you do-

Dr. Nicole:
So interesting.

Dr. Nick:
… but how you do it. And just like Dr. Nicole said, it’s about having self-responsibility, self-accountability, because anytime you just leave it for feedback, it’s like, okay, this is my problem, and now it’s your issue. It’s like, no, it’s like, if you have feedback, it’s because it’s your problem, and we need to drive that inspiration through accountability, self-responsibility so what’s your solution. And that’s when the magic happens is because you get into a room of, okay, we have these problems, great, there’re problems everywhere, but what’s the solutions? And then we can go through and we can actually see because everybody has a different lens of how we’re seeing experience in life. We can have a more broad spectrum group of solutions, and then from all those solutions it’s as a team, okay, what solution? Or maybe we can combine solutions together to give us really the optimal decision that we can act upon.

Dr. Nicole:
Yeah. I think what you just said is so, so huge because if you are not extremely, extremely strategic about this is that it becomes this ripple effect-

Dr. Nick:
It’s mad fucking chaos.

Dr. Nicole:
Yeah. So what we saw was one person had a complaint, it wasn’t really even feedback with a solution, it was just a complaint. But again, they just said, give us feedback. And then there were various other people that were like, well, that happened to me too. And then it just became, it was wild. So you definitely have to make sure you’re taking that into consideration is that this is not feedback to be emotionally driven and you have to be able to stop the person, ask better questions, okay, so what do you think that we could have done better? And even if you’re finding holes in what you can do better is being able to present that in the moment and say, well, some of the issues that might arise might be X, Y, and Z, what is your feedback to that?

So as a leader is you really have to be quick on your feet to critically think and be able to buffer those situations. And also knowing that, just because you’re asking for feedback, it doesn’t mean that every single thing is going to be implemented. So you have to preface with that as, we are here to create a dynamic that you can bring feedback with no judgment, bring solutions to that feedback, and we’re going to weigh it all out to see if it is best for the department, as well as best for the company. Because you will find that some feedback is what’s best for that person or their department, but it is actually not what is best for the overall company.

And if you have the ability to circle back to that like, oh, well, that’s a great idea, but just so you know, our budget was given to healthcare benefits this year, or whatever perk you’ve given your team, and we do not have the budget for that because in reality, the cost of your initiative would be blah, blah, blah. Most of your employees have no realistic idea of what things cost in your business, so don’t assume that they do. And don’t assume that they understand that their requests might seem very small to them, but they don’t understand maybe how much has to happen on the back end to bring something to fruition.

Dr. Nick:
Yeah. So, I mean, really encompassing and recapping everything it’s like, when it comes to trust, it’s one of the most important things in any relationship, whether it’s personal or business. And when we gain that trust, it first has to come from us. We have to trust ourselves. So if we take a second and a moment to be like, is there any aspects in our life that we don’t trust in ourselves right now? That is number one from, what’s the leadership guy’s name? John Maxwell. You first have to have that candid conversation with yourself. So it’s like if, and that comes through the neuroscience, the reflective mind, it’s, if you see something externally, you have a reflection of that internally.

So be able to figure out where you’re not trusting yourself and then going through a process of trusting that and seeing that there was a blessing in that stressing. That it was actually there to teach you a lesson, and then coming out of that more empowered as your own self, then we can give and allow other people to shine their trust. And that’s the beauty of human behavior, is that you’re not just taking, I haven’t read Patrick’s books, he sounds like a very intelligent man, my wife’s obsessed with him. But it’s really kind of taking that and bridging that with the Demartini method, which is really just a scientific process. So you’re taking all of Patrick’s beautiful, beautiful wisdom, and then streamlining that through system policies that are scientific. And it’s really, the beautiful aspect of it is because you create more leaders, you don’t create managers and motivation.

Dr. Nicole:
Yeah. And just to kind of circle this back is a couple of takeaways, and then being able to also understand, how do we bring this to life in businesses? So first and foremost, some of the things that you have to start looking at and taking inventory on in your business is, do you have employees that are willing to admit their weaknesses? That they’re willing to admit their mistakes and better yet they’re asking for help. Ideally, they’re asking for help when they’re unsure, opposed` to making the mistake and then asking for help. But either way, if they’re asking for help, they’re showing trust and vulnerability. And really making sure that they are giving feedback, as well as taking feedback. And they’re not getting emotionally charged by that feedback, but just saying like, “Hey, okay, I could see where the kink in the chain was and do you have any advice on how we could do this better or how I could work better with the team?” So on and so forth.

So it’s really a matter of looking at the dynamic of your business, looking at the communication and seeing where those issues might be. And then being able to set a foundation of how can you create more trust, more vulnerability, more transparency in your business. And like I said before, this is not always an easy task because it starts with you as the entrepreneur, as the business owner, and sometimes you have to work through your own shit in order to show up differently for your team. So one of the amazing things about our deep dive that we do, that’s really the starting point at the Integrative Growth Institute is we start with being able to do a deep dive diagnostic. And this is not just about your business, but also about yourself.

And Dr. Nick takes you through values determination to figure out what do you value? But also then connecting that with where there might be voids or limiting beliefs, because we’ve all grown up a certain way. We’ve all experienced different adversities, and we have beliefs that sometimes limit our ability to see clearly. And being able to work through that using proven methods like the Demartini method. And from there, we’re not only doing the values for the CEO, but we’re also going to look at the values of your leadership team and connect that with the values of your company, or maybe figure out the values of your company, because a lot of people have no idea what that is.

And then really being able to evaluate where are the breaks in communication? Who are the individuals that are not feeling that they’re being heard, or are not taking feedback well, or are constantly on the defense. And how can we shift the dynamic of how these individuals are interacting with each other to create more trust, to create more vulnerability, and to create a company that is not driven by triggers and emotions, but it’s truly collaborative.

Dr. Nick:
Yeah. So many times people will come to us for all these problems, but you look at it and like, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. And it comes down to some break of communication, which is really effecting trust.

Dr. Nicole:
Yeah. And it’s often we’re ignoring it because we’re thinking it’ll go away on its own and you get what you tolerate. And if you ignore it, it will create a massive ripple effect because the one disgruntled person, if they become disgruntled enough, they will infect the others around them. And then it becomes like what we were talking about with that end of seminar feedback, is that it just takes one person chirping and then it’s like, well, maybe I do feel that way. And then it becomes something way bigger than it needs to be because you’re putting blinders on as the CEO and you’re not willing to have the hard conversation. So have the hard conversation. It is well, well worth it because the problem usually doesn’t go away.

Dr. Nick:
Yeah, sure. Short-term pain equals long-term pleasure.

Dr. Nicole:
Yes. So we hope you really valued this. We have four more coming at you that are other elements that could create dysfunction on a team. So this lack of trust was really the foundational one. So we’re going to be building upon that foundation in the next four episodes. All right, we’ll see you guys next time.

Dr. Nick:
You’ve reached the end of another episode of the Integrative Entrepreneur podcast. Connect with us at integrativegrowthinstitute.com. Don’t forget to sign up to our newsletter to receive our free materials. See you at the next episode.

Dr. Nicole:
If you loved today’s episode of Integrative Entrepreneur podcast, please head over to iTunes. Subscribe, rate, and leave us a review. It is very much appreciated. Thank you.

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